she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
