I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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