We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We are all done wearing pants today
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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