I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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