i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
