Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
