I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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