Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
