I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
try to milk me bitch
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
