he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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