I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
