walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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