i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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