his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We had sex on a dog bed..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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