I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
third nipple confirmed
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
