Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
