you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
