she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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