I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
