when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
