Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
