This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
