I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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