So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
