She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We are all done wearing pants today
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
