I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
