I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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