he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
True college students do jello shots in the library
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
