Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize