i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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