Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
