Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
