i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
