maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
