when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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