I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
