I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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