I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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