Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
