She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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