Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
