she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
