Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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