you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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