he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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