Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
