She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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