you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
