is your mom at the bar?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
