shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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