Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize