dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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