if i can run in heels then i can drive
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
