Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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