I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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