508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
