I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
