I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
