at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
