he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We need a shit load of segways right now
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
