The police scanner is talking about you again....
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
