why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
