Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
