i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
one two three fourrrrnication!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
