He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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