yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
