I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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