genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
