Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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