I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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