Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
