Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
