I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
That's intense
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
